After completing my MSc Psychology, I am at a childcare centre observing children’s behaviour and their cognitive, social, physical, and communication development. I am presently working with preschoolers (2.5 to 4 years old). One of my observations I consider really worthy of sharing with parents.
Three 4-year-old preschoolers (Ra, Nh, and Ni) were having fun together moving in circles as they sang Ringa Ringa Rosie, and they all dropped down at the end of the song when they all said, “we all fall down”. They laughed and repeated the play several times.
At the point of one of the “we all fall down” choruses, Nh and Ni bumped their heads. Nh was upset and blamed Ni for the accident. Ra tried to calm Nh down; she hugged her and continued to soothe her. Ni looked sad and left out. I wanted to prompt Ra about Ni’s feelings. I felt the urge to soothe Ni myself, but the observation would be aborted if I interfered, so I waited. Ra turned just as I was debating my thoughts and rubbed Ni’s head, gave her a warm hug, and soothed her too. When she noticed she had calmed both of them, she cheerfully said, “Let’s play again!” Nh and Ni jumped up with excitement and joined Ra; they happily continued their play.
It was the finest moment of emotional intelligence I have recorded. Ra’s competence is not every preschooler’s competence, but I could point at about 5 other children in the class who demonstrate a similar level of empathy, emotional awareness, and problem-solving at just four years old. The point is, the preschoolers have in more ways than one confirmed the statement from How Does Learning Happen? that “Children are competent, capable of complex thinking, curious, and rich in potential.”
I would not have seen this if I had interrupted. How often, as parents and educators, do we step in immediately to resolve children's conflicts? While adult support is sometimes necessary, this experience reminded me that children are often far more capable than we give them credit for. Given the opportunity, they can demonstrate empathy, regulate emotions, solve problems, and repair relationships in remarkable ways.
My hope in sharing this observation is that it encourages us to slow down, observe more intentionally, recognise children's competencies, and create opportunities for those strengths to flourish. Sometimes, the greatest lesson is found not in what we teach children, but in what they teach us when we give them the space to do so.